Marauders & Me: And the Holy Spork of unMary Sue-ishness
by MiracleCloudsTasteLikeBeef
Summary: One day, the Marauders are interrupted from their daily antics by Mira (yours truly!) who has decided to go on a long holiday to continue writing FanFiction for her nonexistent fans. Mira gifts them with a Portal to the worst FanFictions ever read, and a Spork which can change an appearance and fix grammar mistakes. Watch as the Marauders (and Lily) misuse their new gifts. Parody!
1. Remus Has Fun Reading Minds

Author's Note: Okay, guys, this is my new story. It's my first Humour/Parody, and it's set in the Marauders Era, where a certain amateur spell caster gives the Marauders and Lily the possession of a magic book full of Mary Sues, mistakes and mishaps, and a Holy Spork, which can fix those mishaps. I know I'm a horrible author for not continuing my other one sooner, but I promise I'll try and get the next chapter up. Enjoy!

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Chapter One

**The Holy Spork is Introduced By An Amateur Spell Caster**

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One day, the Marauders (and Lily) were up to their usual antics – Remus and Lily immersed in their own books, both sitting in the common room couches; James and Sirius deviously discussing new pranks, while Peter was staring at them in excitement – when suddenly everybody else in the common room was suddenly invaded by a mysterious force and had to walk away because something really important was going to happen and stupid minor characters could not witness this.

Of course, none of the Marauders (and Lily) were bothered by this because they were at Hogwarts and suddenly walking away to their bedrooms mysteriously was not a rare occurrence (cough Sirius cough). Also, all of these characters had about as much insight as a Flobberworm.

"Flobberworms actually do have great insight, you know." Remus said randomly, because these story characters are awesome and can talk to the narrator.

Suddenly four walls grew out of nowhere and the fourth one was smashed inwardly, causing the Marauders (and Lily) to finally look up at the commotion. Of course, none of the castle heard because that would ruin the point of the story.

Out came a coughing, spluttering lady with thick brown hair, who was cursing loudly. She was the most beautiful person the Marauders (and Lily) had ever seen, and the only problem was that her name wasn't Mary Sue. It was _Mira _Sue. Mary Sue was her sister. Because this story is written about me, I get to name the best person after me. Oh, yeah.

"Who are you?" Sirius jumped up from his – er – feet and stared at the beautiful person.

"I am the author of this wonderful fic." Mira said proudly.

"Wow, Mira." said Remus, who had psychic powers and suddenly knew the author's name. "Why'd you break the fourth wall?"

Mira looked behind at the three other walls and the rubble. "Oh, that? I just like destroying the fourth wall to come into Fanfictions. I totally didn't just make a joke about 'Breaking the Fourth Wall' that nobody will laugh at."

There was an awkward silence, and then Lily said, "Why are you here, and how did you get here, O Great Author of Bad Fanfictions?"

Mira looked into the sky proudly, even though they were indoors. "I have come to purge the Universe of Fanfiction from the most evil beast possible."

"James Potter?" Lily said.

_"Cameron_ Diaz?" Peter said.

"You?" Sirius said.

"Sirius Black?" Remus said.

Mira looked slightly miffed. "None of those people."

James gasped loudly. "Not – not – _not who I think it is_?"

Mira was relieved that at least somebody understood. "Yes, it is _them_."

"_Albus Dumbledore_?"

Mira buried her face in her hands in exasperation. "No! The Mary Sues!"

Lily was confused, not just about the new term, but also about the perspective switch. "What's a Mary Sue?"

"A female fanfiction character who is ideally "perfect". The male equivlalent is the Marty Stu. Often abbreviated to "Sue". A Mary Sue character is usually written by a beginning author. Often, the Mary Sue is a self-insert with a few "improvements" (ex. better body, more popular, etc). The Mary Sue character is almost always beautiful, smart, etc... In short, she is the "perfect" girl. The Mary Sue usually falls in love with the author's favorite character(s) and winds up upstaging all of the other characters in the book/series/universe. Generally, the Mary Sue is disliked among fanfiction readers." Remus said, word-to-word.

"Wow!" Sirius said. "How did you know that?"

Remus snorted and said, "It's called _magic_!"

Lily was still confused. "Wait, wait, so your job is to kill all Mary Sues? Like a Mary Sue Hunter?"

Mira nodded.

"Why would you want to do that? They sound perfectly nice." Peter said.

"That's the point! They are too nice! Too perfect!" Mira growled, which Remus found out-of-character for her, even though he had barely met her.

"Sounds like somebody's _jealous_!" Sirius said.

"I AM NOT!" which just confirmed that she was jealous.

"Whatever," said Mira, after the laughter from the Marauders (and Lily) had subsided. "Anyway, since I'm the only one on the job right now, I've come here to ask if you guys can help me on my quest."

"Why do you need help?" said Sirius suspiciously.

Mira grinned sheepishly. "Well, I'm sort of going on a holiday to write some Fanfiction stuff, so I need some people to help me purge the world of Mary Sues."

"Sure," the Marauders (and Lily) said together.

"Those Mary Sues sound horrible anyway." Peter said, completely changing his opinion on Mary Sues for the sake of the story.

"They are." Mira nodded. "Now, I'll show you how to get rid of them."

Mira clicked her fingers and shouted, "Tada!" Nothing happened for a few minutes, and Mira muttered in anger. She brandished her wand from her pockets – which had miraculously grown on her clothes, just then – and spoke a Summoning Charm.

A few hours later – Mira was very inept at charms – a book and a weird object which looked like the mixture between a spoon and a fork flew into the window which had fabulously opened, despite being closed this whole time. Mira caught them and showed them to the Marauders (and Lily).

"What are we meant to be seeing?" Sirius said haughtily.

"This is the Holy Mary Sue Hunting Guidebook and the Holy Spork of Purging Mary Sues, Mistakes and Mishaps In Fanfictions, Plus the Deduction of Stupid Clichés In Bad Writing Because Mary Sues, Mistakes and Mishaps Are Obviously Stupid." Mira pulled out a badge from one of her newly-grown pockets.

"See, here's a badge I made for the Holy Spork. It even says: H.S.O.P.M.S.M.A.M.I.F.P.T.D.O.S.C.I.B.W.B.M.S.M.M. A.O." Mira smiled proudly. "I couldn't fit the 'S' in, so it's on the back."

"What's the book for?" Sirius eyed the book closely, that was suddenly bejewelled and amazing.

"Oh, that little thing?" Mira said offhandedly. "It's just a guide about not _not looking Mary Sues in the eyes _and stuff about grammar and all that. After the Introduction, though is the Companion Chapter."

"The what?"

"The Companion. It has a whole contents from A-Z about all the Fanfictions with the most horrible mistakes. It tells you the mistakes, and tips on how to find it. Also, it's kinda the teleportation device from random Fanfictions to others. I was going to use the Companion to go to a way better Fanfiction Universe in a way later time, but I kinda screwed up the Companion with the Spork…"

"Speaking of which, what is the Spork?"

"The Spork is the holiest, most magnificent object made. It's also dangerous, though, and each side, whether spoon or fork, has magical abilities. If touched by the fork, it disfigures, belittles or vandalises the appearance of whatever it touches. The spoon, however, can only be touched on words. It fixes mistakes, and the like."

"What if the spoon end touches a human?" James said.

"Well, I've never seen it happen before, and I wouldn't like it to happen. Bad things will happen to us."

"Wanna bet?" Sirius said, and the other Marauders (and Lily) groaned inwardly. Sirius always liked betting, whether it was the smallest thing, or the biggest.

"Yes!" Mira always liked bets, too, or at least just started to, because Sirius did.

"If I'm right, you owe me…a motorbike." Sirius said in wonder.

"Sure. Now, if you guys are ready, let us plunge into the Universe of FanFiction and purge the worlds of Mary Sues!"

The Marauders (and Lily) put their heads together and discussed. A strange woman appears out of nowhere with a book and a spork, claiming that she's a inter-dimensional hunter of imaginary things called Mary Sues? Seems legit.

"Yay!" Peter said squeakily, and everybody whooped as Mira opened the Guide to a part of the book titled 'The Companion'. She flipped to another page titled: 'Cleaning the Soul of Clichés', and the book started glowing and shining, like magical books do.

"One thing before we go," said Lily loudly, because suddenly a huge, roaring sound came from within the book, like in movies. "After every single line of speech, why is the only verb used 'said'?'

"Huh?" Mira said. "Oh right. I'm just a horrible author, and I can't be stuffed to find another synonym. Happy?"

"Yes!"

Then, Mira and the Marauders (and Li– Oh, screw this) plunged into the magic book, because my story characters can shrink to fit into books. Like, duh.

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Author's Second Note (Because I Love Annoying You Guys With Random Capitalisation): Ahaha, I love that last line. Anyway, please Review, Follow, Favourite and all that stuff.


	2. Peter Has Fun Dangling In The Air

Author's Note: Thanks to Fearless Noodle and firestripe49 for Reviewing and and Fearless Noodle again for Following, and icecatfire for Following and Favouriting! You guys are wonderful!

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**Chapter Two**

Perfecting the Perfect

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A few seconds later, the six plopped (snicker) onto the ground. Or what seemed to be the ground.

Instead, they were floating in midair – because my characters can defy gravity – in what seemed to be some sort of digital world. The walls seemed like grids with glowing cells and there seemed to be no floor, nor ceiling. They seemed to be inside some huge, glowing cube. Other than that, there seemed to be no form of life apart from Everybody was adjusting to the new surrounding, but Peter was the only one who needed help floating and was grabbing onto Sirius's shirt for dear life.

"Oh, Peter." Mira implored, exasperated. She waved her wand and Peter flew up too high, but since I'm a mean person who blames him for doing things that he does in the future, I'll leave him up there.

"Where _are _we?" Sirius asked, looking at the surroundings with wonder.

"We are in," Mira paused dramatically, and everybody else leaned in, except for Peter, who was still dangling a few metres up high. "The Editing Zone!"

"The what?" Remus asked, because apparently his psychic abilities weren't working anymore.

Mira looked exasperated because she forgot to give everybody psychic powers. "The _Editing Zone_. It's the place where all FanFictions used to go before they got published to get the grammar and spelling corrected, and to make sure characters weren't too cliché or, if they were canon, were out of character."

"_Used _to?"

"Nobody really uses it anymore, partly because authors now believe that the Editing Zone's going faulty, and partly because they've made a new, 'better' replacement for it. They call it the 'Spellchecker', but in actuality it's horrible."

James was confused. "Why do they think it's going faulty?"

Mira snorted. "Because it actually _works_."

There was an awkward silence, until James remarked, "It's not very … popular."

"Well, of course it isn't! It's the Editing Zone! Almost nobody takes their time up to come her and edit their work."

"Why not?"

"Well, they might be in a rush, or they might be like me and be too lazy to bother. Editing one's work is a tiresome process."

Lily looked confused. "I thought you were a good author?"

"I … am …" There was another awkward silence. "Well, anyway, we're here in the Editing Zone to edit you guys."

The Marauders (and Li– Oh, I'm not going through this again) – er – _jumped_ backwards in horror. Except Peter, of course. Peter just squealed. Peter always squeals, because that is what Peters do.

"You're going to _edit _us?"

"Yep."

"How?"

"Oh, we're just going to give you guys a bit more depth to yourselves and give yourself more defining features. Like, look at James's hair. How straight is that? And look at Remus. What kind of scars are they? And don't even get me started on Sirius."

"But I don't need correcting!" Sirius shouted. "I'm _perfect_!"

Mira nodded. "Yes, you do look perfect, but everybody has flaws. That is why I will start the Editing Process on you now!"

Mira took out the Spork from another pocket which had magically sewn itself on her jacket and waved the Fork end at them. Lily screamed, because she was the only one who remembered the part about the fork disfiguring the appearance, but the Fork end just produced magical light at them, because that's what magical cutlery does.

Suddenly, because I like the world 'suddenly', all of the Marauders started glowing, like the Spork. As if they were a FanFiction story, words unravelled across their bodies, printed on them and racing across them quickly. The Marauders started jerking and shaking in different directions, and Sirius and James was blurting out random things. Remus and Lily were both jabbering on quickly, as if reading a story if their life depended on it, and Peter was still dangling upside down, but he was spinning around.

Their appearances changed – Sirius's nose grew wider, Lily's hair darkened, James's hair made messier, Remus's scars made more prominent, Peter's hips wider and hair growing on his cheeks like whiskers – and Mira watched in satisfaction as her story characters changed from random Mary Sues perfect in every way to less shallow, more selfless, more in-depth. Sirius, made more troublesome and devious than ever; James, never more smitten nor happy; Remus, never less self-loathing than before; Lily, more accepting to her feelings and less quick to judge; Peter almost likeable. Almost. The rat would never be likeable. Cue evil laugh.

After the jerky movements and random readings had subsided, Mira smirked. "Feel different?"

"Y-Yes!" James widened his eyes, and ran his hand through his hair, casting a furtive look at Lily, who was determinedly looking the other way.

"Stop that, you great git." Sirius teased and elbowed James.

Remus sighed in annoyance, and stared at his open palm, as if reading a book. "Shut it, Padfoot."

Mira, instead, sighed in enormous relief. "_Finally_, you guys are in character! You can't believe how long it took me to find the right FanFiction Universe, only to find out that you guys have been tainted by bad FanFiction! Not by me, of course."

"Tainted?" Peter asked, still dangling midair.

"Yes, that was what I was about to explain." Mira held the Spork up. "I'm about to go on holiday to write my FanFictions, and I'm passing on the Spork to you guys, so you can rid the taint of bad FanFiction in every Universe. Whenever you go to a Universe, you'll read it's story, by reading flashing words across the screen. Some of these sentences have mistakes, and it's up to you to make them right. All you have to do is _spoon _the mistake," Mira made a violent gesture with an invisible spoon. "and it'll disappear. Clear?"

"Then why do we need the Fork, if it only disfigures and destroys things?"

"Ah." Mira smiled apologetically. "I almost forgot about that."

"But you _did _forgot about it!"

"Shut it. Anyway, some characters don't take kindly to being changed and altered in the story. Sometimes, they'll rage, and all you have to do, is _prod _them," Mira made another gesture. "and they'll run away in shock and horror. Clear?"

"Clear," they all chorused, even though it was not clear at all.

"Good. And when you've finished correcting the mistakes, the Fourth Wall will appear, and just jump through the hole in it. Now, I'll help you go to your first bad FanFiction, and I'll be off."

Suddenly (I love this word!), the Fourth Wall appeared in midair, smacking Peter to the middle ground that everybody was floating in.

"Now, jump through the hole, and I'll be off." Mira said, and she disappeared into unicorn sparkles, because I find smoke to be less dramatic.

Everybody, because they had amazing shrinking powers, jumped into the hole of the Fourth Wall. They appeared on the other side of the wall, which exploded into less-dramatic smoke, and they fell into the courtyard of a very familiar place.

Hogwarts.

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Author's Second Note: Guys, I'm sorry there wasn't as much humour in this chapter as the first, but alas. I am terrible at writing funny!


	3. Sirius Has Fun With Bobotuber Pus

Author's Note: Thanks for the support, you guys! Special credit to Fearless Noodle, who has reviewed on every single chapter so far. Thank you! Enjoy the next chapter!

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**Chapter Three**

Sirius Has Fun With Electra and Bobotuber Pus

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"Hey, I know this place!" Peter said in glee. "It's … um …"

"How daft _are _you, Pettigrew?" Lily asked nastily. "It's _Hogwarts_!"

It was indeed Hogwarts; the students talking about the latest gossip, the other kids reading library books peacefully, the pompous Prefects reprimanding giggling First Years and rebellious Sixth Years riding on brooms in the courtyard. Though it was different, Remus noticed, because none of these students looked familiar. Remus was a Gryffindor Prefect, and prided himself on memorising everybody's name in his house; he could obviously see a handsome, fair-haired boy wearing Gryffindor robes whom Remus had never seen before.

"But why are we in Hogwarts?" Remus wondered aloud. "How could this place be a setting for a bad FanFiction?"

James shrugged. "Guess we'll see. I think we have to wait for flashing letters…?"

At that exact moment in time, large flashing letters appeared in the air in front of them, conveniently, because I can't be bothered to right in filler sentences about how long they waited. Nobody but the Marauders and Lily seemed to notice the letters.

"Read them before they disappear!" James shouted.

Remus sighed, and, due to James's insistence, Remus began reading.

**my name is Eletric Dementia Dakota Dark'ness Way**

"Wait, what?" The group looked utterly bewildered.

"Is-is this _FanFiction_?" Remus spluttered. "The spelling of this…"

"And that name…" Lily muttered.

**and I have long mindlenf black hair **

"Mid-what?" Remus spat.

"Man, I hope all FanFiction isn't like this, or Moony'll blow his top." James muttered to Sirius, who silently agreed.

**with ****eletrik blue streaks (thatz how i got my name) **

"Imagine being born with blue hair…" Lily murmured, and James laughed a bit too loudly.

**that sways sexyly behind me as I walk. My twins are qwite big**

"Her twins?" Remus said acidly. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, I think I know what that means…" James said to Sirius, smirking, and Lily hit the two of them.

**but my waists really skinni. I have red eyes becoz**

Remus twitched again. "That spelling…"

**im a vamp, however even tho im a vamp my teeth are perfectly straight white and my skin is also white.**

"And here I thought we were reading about tanned vampires. What a shame." James said.

"I once read a book where vampires sparkled." Peter added, and everybody looked at him weirdly.

**im also a witch so i go to this school full of preps called hogwarts.**

"'Preps'? Excuse me?" Lily looked high affronted.

"What are Preps?" Sirius asked.

"Don't even ask."

Remus rolled his eyes, and continued reading.

**peepz say i look like Amy Lee **

"What? Who's that?" Peter said.

**(if you dont know who she is den get da hell out of here! 111!)**

"Oh, okay then."

**Im not related to Gerard Way**

"Who's that?"

"Stop it, Peter!" James implored. "We don't want to know."

**but i wish coz his a major hottie.**

"That sounds like Padfoot's family." James said casually.

"That's sick."

"Your welcome, Evans."

**Im a goff (incase you couldnt tell) **

"A 'goff?"

"PETER, I SAID STOP IT!"

**and i wear mostly black. For example ****today im wearing a black lace corset and a black leather miniskirt and black combat boots howeever my fishnets are neon pink. **

"No comment."

"But you just made a comment!"

"Shut it, Wormtail."

**i was walking outside hogwartz and it was snowing and raining at the same time so there was no sum,**

"Sum?"

"Don't ask me, I didn't write this."

**which made me verry happy.**

"And … there's a colon and a bracket. I don't understand this …"

**A lot of preppy preps stared preppily at me so i put my middle finger up at them.**

"She's sounds like a real charmer." Lily said drily.

**"Hey Electra Blue Dementia Dark'ness!" said a voice.**

"And her name's different from the first time." Remus muttered. "This can't get worse."

**It was…Serious Black! **

"Nope, it got worse."

**"Whats up Serious?" I asked.**

"Grr…Now I understand why Moony and Evans are so obsessed about this spelling!" Sirius said. "This author can't even get my name right!"

**"Nuffin" he said shyly**

"Er, since when was Sirius shy?"

**but then i heard my friends and i had to leave. My friends were… Lily**

"_What? _NO!" Lily screeched.

**(lilys no longer a ginger prude uptight freak,**

Lily glared at the flashings words so intensely that everybody else scooted a safe distance away.

**shes turned goffic now and died her ugly read hare black oh and shes called Raven now because of her raven hare)**

"_What the hell_? _What the actual hell_? My hair isn't ugly, goddammit!"

"And she doesn't want to die her hair either." Remus said seriously.

**(and she isnt evans anymoar coz shes acshelly (geddit hell?) a Pureblood)**

"How did I turn into a Pureblood? _What the hell_?"

**and Waterfall (AN: This is you Magpi!11) **

"Okay, let's pretend to understand that." Peter said, to general agreement.

**"OMG I sore u**

Sirius blinked. "You _sore _her?"

"Don't blame me! It's the FanFiction!"

**talking to serious black!" raven said.**

**"yeah, so?" I blushed.**

"Because talking to poor Serious is such a bad thing."

**"Do you like him?" waterfall asked, as we worked to the slytherin common room (lilys in slytherin now**

"NO!"

**so is Serious)**

"NO!"

**"no I don't!" i shouted. **

"PHEW! She doesn't fancy me!"

**Then serious walked up to me**

"– and then slapped her in the face!?"

**"do you want to go on a walk?" he asked.**

"– and then slapped her in the face!"

**"yeah" I replied flirtilly and we walked to the forbidden forrest and serious**

"– slapped her in the face!"

"Sirius, I don't think you're going to slap her in the face."

"Doesn't stop me trying."

**said, "you are so beautiful and sexy and funny and amazing did you no that?"**

"Yuck, please, no!"

**"no"**

"Because she isn't, and I'm having her on?"

**she replied to be modest **

"Even though she doesn't mean it!" Lily spat.

**evn tho evr1 says so**

"Everybody? Even the preps who stare preppily?"

**(a/n: she isnt stuck up but everyone tells her shes hot, ok?)**

"I think she _is _stuck up. And not hot."

**serious leaned extra close**

"– and slapped her?" Sirius suggested weakly.

**and looked at me with goffic red eyes**

"What?"

"Maybe you're having an allergic reaction." James said.

"Or they could be red from crying." Peter said. "I know I would if I were this close to her."

**(he wuz wearing cullar contax)**

"Argh, I hate this author!"

**which revealed evilness and i felt verry turned on**

"Oh, no… I know where this is going…"

**and then serious...**

"Yeah, don't try." Lily said to Sirius, who looked as if he were about to suggest something about slapping the Electra person.

"Sorry, mate…" Remus grimaced and said the next sentence:

**kissed me passively**

Sirius closed his eyes and choked. "It's okay…I was expecting this."

"And…" Remus skimmed the next few flashing paragraphs. "You don't want me to read on, but I can tell you that there quite a lot of mistakes in there, whether grammar and spelling or not. I'll just read the last sentence."

**"What the hell! You –" da voyse sed something rood.**

"Because 'you' is such a bad word."

**Da voice belonged to...**

'A sickle it's Moony." Sirius said.

"You're on. I bet it's You-Know-Who or something."

"Yeah, right."

**Dumblydore!**

After no more words appeared in the sky, and Remus said, "Thank Merlin that's over. Now we just have to fix these mistakes…"

After several long minutes spooning mistakes – and accidentally smacking the wrong words – the FanFiction was finally half-decent, and started somewhat like this:

**' Electra Blue Dakota Way had quite a long name, if you didn't notice. She was a born Metamorphagus, was named after the strong, blue streaks coursing through her long, mid-length, black hair. '**

And ended somewhat like this:

**' The voice was loud, familiar and friendly: Professor Dumbledore's voice. "Mr Black and Mrs Way, I apologise for interrupting this vulgar display of romance, but I am here to inform you that you are missing a rather interesting Care of Magical Creatures lesson about Bowtruckles, that Professor Kettleburn would like you to attend." '**

After rereading the passage again, everybody laughed loudly, except for Sirius. No matter how much spooning they did, they couldn't omit the highly graphic paragraphs about Sirius and Electra, and they best they could change it was that Sirius had walked in on Electra changing.

"I still don't see why we couldn't completely erase the whole damn story." Sirius grumbled, as the group sat, waiting for the Fourth Wall to appear.

Remus laughed. "That's misusing the Spork. The Spork corrects, not erases."

"That's stupid." Sirius muttered.

Remus laughed again. "Sure it is, Padfoot. Sure it is."

After a few more moments of silence, Peter yelled something like: "Is-her!"

"What?"

"I-It's her!" Peter pointed across the courtyard.

Peter was pointing at a rather pretty girl with blue and black hair, who was talking with a familiar-looking boy in Hufflepuff robes with curly black hair. Electra and Sirius? Both had looks of severe dislike on their faces; that was another thing the Spork had changed about the FanFiction. Electra and Sirius were now sworn enemies, who couldn't even look at each other. Also, the Spork had changed Sirius's House to Hufflepuff, which James had guffawed at.

"Wait, if that's Electra…" Remus squinted and pointed at the girl. "Then…that must be Sirius!"

Another round of laughter, and Sirius saying, "My nose is not that big!"

"Wait…they're walking…" Peter said, and sure enough, the two were walking up to the Great Hall.

"Oh, please don't tell me this is going to recount _everything _that happened in the FanFiction." Sirius moaned.

After they disappeared into the Great Hall, the group waited for a minute, until Sirius and Electra came walking out. They were chatting animatedly, and hidden from Electra's line of vision, Sirius held a bottle of Undiluted Bobotuber Pus behind him.

"And this is they part where I lead her on?" Sirius asked, and Remus nodded, just as FanFiction!Sirius poured the bottle onto Electra, and walked away, laughing. In her distress, Electra ran to the Forbidden Forest to hide herself and clean her clothes magically. As FanFiction!Sirius walked back to the castle, he was interrupted by FanFiction!Lily Evans, standing in his way, her arms crossed her eyebrows knotted.

"And this is where Evans scolds me, and tells me to apologise."

"Like I should!"

Remus watched as FanFiction!Sirius threw his arms up in defeat, and started walking towards the Forbidden Forest, where Electra was now taking off her clothing and cleansing the Bobotuber Pus off her robes. A few minutes passed after Sirius disappeared into the woods, and the group started to get worried.

"We can't let Sirius have _too _much fun, now can we?" James snickered.

After the quick remark, Dumbledore appeared from the Gamekeeper's Hut, walking to the castle.

"There's the man! Now, he'll just go to the Forbidden Forest and interrupt whatever I'm doing with that horrible person." Sirius said happily.

However, Dumbledore continued walking up to the castle. Lily hissed, "This is what we're meant to correct! Dumbledore's just going to keep walking, if we don't make him go and interrupt Sirius and Electra's escapades, then we'll never get out of here!"

The group all jumped up from the ground, but Lily pushed Sirius back. "You can't go with us! What will we tell Dumbledore when he goes to the Forbidden Forest and finds a Sirius, when he just met a Sirius before? Bad things happen to wizards who meddle in time and space."

Sirius grumbled something like "the other Sirius has a bigger nose than me," but he stayed back anyway.

"Hi, Professor!" Lily said cheerfully as she skipped up to Dumbledore, the others panting behind her.

"Why hello, Miss Evans! Shouldn't you children be in class?"

There was an awkward silence, as the group tried to invent some answers. Peter recovered the quickest. "We've a free period, and we're just roaming the grounds!"

"_Mister Pettigrew_? _You're alive_?" Dumbledore adjusted his half-moon spectacles to check if his eyes were working properly.

"Why shouldn't I be alive?" Peter asked, taken aback.

"Well, in most FanFiction Universes, you're killed early in your life, because nobody likes you!"

"FanFiction Universes are rather odd." James said.

"Yes, indeed. Look at me! I'm rather out of character! Whoever wrote this must be a terrible writer!"

There was murmured assent. Lily said, "Well, Professor, our friend Sirius Black seems to be having some form of…"inappropriate enjoyment" in the Forbidden Forest clearing with the new student Electra Way. We were wondering if you could interrupt them, or…?"

"My girl, I have no right to interrupt the making of love." Dumbledore smiled. "You see, love is a wonderful magic –"

"Yes, yes, I'm sure you have loads to tell, Professor, but you need to hurry and interrupt Sirius's 'session'!" James shouted.

Dumbledore looked affronted. "I shall do no such thing until you apologise, young man –"

James took out the Spork which had magically appeared in his pocket and shouted, "INTERRUPT SIRIUS OR I SHALL HIT YOU WITH THIS SPORK!"

"W-What? _No_!"

"I WARNED YOU!" James prodded Dumbledore's stomach, and the old Professor went flying in the direction of the Forbidden Forest, and scars etched themselves onto the Headmaster's skin, including one uncanny one his knee that provided as a map of the London Underground. They heard the "OOF!" of Dumbledore landing on the ground, and ran back to Sirius, who said, "Well?"

"We did it," Remus said, grinning.

Suddenly, the Fourth Wall grew miraculously from the ground, startling students who were sitting there. Hand-in-hand, the Marauders and Lily jumped into the hole into another FanFiction Universe, because they were awesome and could shrink into holes.

* * *

Author's Second Note: Hope you enjoyed the chapter!


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